A bit of hilarious fiction

The air in the bar was thick with smoke and the smell of cheap liquor, and stuffy, as well. The patrons' low murmuring and the sounds of clinking glass were all that could be heard. The stillness of the room was broken when a man, dressed in a long, brown trenchcoat and a green porkpie hat sauntered in, his long tresses of blond hair falling down to his shoulders, taking full measure of the place. Taking a seat at the end of the bar, the man whispered something into the barkeep's ear, something that deeply disturbed the bartender, who ducked under the bar and came back up with a shotgun, but not soon enough. The stranger had whipped out his truncheon before the bartender had finished standing, and as quickly as he had come up, the bartender went down, hard. Clearly, the stranger meant business. Turning around, the stranger said, "Teo, I know you're in this bar. If you dont show yourself, everyone in here will die." The patrons, of course, were not too happy about this decree, and started unsheathing knives, cocking pistols, and other things of an unsavory nature. The stranger counted down to three, and as Teo had not yet shown himself, the stranger whipped off his coat and mowed down the motley crue with a pair of gilded 8-shooters, leaving one small, twitching man standing in the center of the conflagration. The stranger spoke: "Teo, you asshole, the bouncing souls suck. Face it and get on with life." "NEVER!", said Teo, and he lept at the stranger with ravenous fury. It was all for naught, however, as Teo soon realized Eli's arsenal was not depleted. A gleaming sword was the last thing Teo saw, out of his left eye, anyway. The stranger picked up his coat, dislodged his blade, and went out the door, throwing a handful of quarters at the bartender's unconscious body.